13 9 / 2014
"It feels like there’s an entire ocean in my stomach and a boulder on my chest."
11 9 / 2014
The pain that overcomes me is nothing but sheer misery… I regret everything that lead up to that point. I can’t take it back, but not even a hundred apologies could mend the crack that has opened in the road.
Last night, the dream, rather, a nightmare consumed me. A nightmare that kept me awake because I feared going back to sleep. That same fear that caused the rift.
The dream started out as usual; a perfect night with you and me, laying on a blanket staring up in the night sky, enjoying each others company. My arm around you, your head on my chest.
All of a sudden, a dark, ominous power overcame me. The ominous power of a past demon possessed me. The demon tried to make me do its deed, but to my best abilities I tried to do so, but it was too late. You looked at me with confusion, asking me if anything was wrong. But I looked at you and said no… the fear consumed me.
The demon returned, and with all the power I had, managed to defeat it, but it was too late. I lost you in the fight…
I yelled at the top of my lungs the truth that should of set me free, but it contained me in its recoil. Constantly returning the pain of regret, turmoil, and sadness. It was my stupidity, and here I am now… Loving you, missing you, but to myself, I’m hating me.
This is the nightmare that plagues me, and it’s the fear that consumed me that beat me.